Letters From A Tory Daily views on British politics and the Conservative Party from a centre-right thinker who writes letters on his blog to politicians, journalists and many others.

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Dear readers,

Sadly I am taking a blogging break while I grab some much needed sun, sea and sand (possibly simultaneously) until Sunday 8th November.  In the meantime, I leave you with a set of predictions for the 10 things that will probably NOT happen while I’m away:

1. The collective IQ of postal workers suddenly breaks into double figures, and they subsequently come to the realisation that every day that they spend on strike makes it less likely that they will actually have a job to return to.

2. Gordon Brown will go to work one morning and tell everyone that he’s just remembered how much Tony Blair hates him and how much effort Tony Blair put into holding back his political career for over a decade, and has thus decided to withdraw his support for Blair’s candidacy as EU President.

3. Nadine Dorries declares that actually she wasn’t that offended by Smeargate after all, and hands over the damages that Damien McBride paid her to a pro-abortion campaigning group.

4. Under a cloud of confusion, Sir Christopher Kelly brings an abrupt halt to his investigation into MPs expenses.  It emerges several days later that he and his family have recently moved into their very own second home with the added promise of duck ponds and unlimited access to porn, all courtesy of Parliament.

5. Nick Griffin sends out a press release stating that he will never appear again on Question Time because he is worried that he might say something that could “hurt other people’s feelings”.  He also announces that he has a black friend.

6. Watford Council decide to overturn their own decision to ban parents from their children’s playgrounds after they realised that the ban won’t do anything to stop paedophiles and will “cause unnecessary inconvenience to so many law-abiding parents”.

7. An increasing number of earthquakes are reported around the world, arousing suspicion that Gordon Brown’s claim that the world is going to end in 50-odd days after the Copenhagen conference on climate change is in fact true and the apolocalypse is now inevitable.

8. The Territorial Army storm Downing Street and take Gordon Brown’s family hostage as a reminder that they are still perfectly capable of doing a good job provided that the Government doesn’t screw them over.

9. President Obama tells the media that he “can no longer be arsed” with healthcare reforms.

10. Our G7 partners fire their entire public sector workforce – thereby sending unemployment through the roof, crippling GDP and triggering nationwide riots - because they felt so guilty that the UK is the only G7 nation not to have emerged from recession and wanted to give us a chance to catch up.

I will, of course, be seeing how accurate these predictions prove to be when I return.

Take care

A.Tory