Apologies for lack of posting today
Dear readers,
Sorry for the lack of proper posting. Today was promising to be a fantastic day for this blog, as I was going to reveal exclusive news about David Davis’ by-election campaign and also reveal some highly sensitive information about Labour ministers’ private lives, but unfortunately I left all my notes on Hazel Blears’s computer.
Lol!
Damnit. I do that so often.
Remember: make sure you always keep an offsite backup of anything stored on a government computer. Preferably, when you get to the computer (since someone has left it logged in, of course) stick your pen drive in and copy as much information as you can onto it.
After leaving the building with your pen drive and sensitive data, I recommend finding a nice safe place to leave it – perhaps in a convenient crack in a church wall, taped to the bottom of a park bench, or maybe lying openly on a train chair.
By taking these simple steps, you’ll be able to gain high security clearance, too!
For Sale.
Ebay.co.uk/computers/laptops/government issue/ministers
Ideal for a first user, simpleton, or someone who doesn’t really understand much of anything.
Big, easy to read screen and large clunking fist style buttons.
Comes with government own Nvida sofware, [not windows or Vista compatible]
Software including
white paper designer
auto embarrassing Email deleter
untrue statement autofix program [set to off].
Super expense claimer 5 package
The latest ‘which political position should i adopt today’ pop ups.
Social engineering sites such as FaceFacts and Saving My Face.
EU Lisbon treaty [comes on 49 DVDs ]
Labour manifesto commitments folder [blank]
David Milliband screensaver
Password set to ” Password ”
Solitaire
Comes in a bland easy to lose case.
What on earth were you doing in Salford? – a very dangerous place. These people actively voted for labour – they can’t be trusted!
Genius post about the psychology of ‘keeping up with the Jones”.
Excellent stuff, Bill. Truly excellent.
I assume that the computer will be bought at the taxpayers’ expense.
Candid, actually Hazel is the lucky beneficiary of classic ‘donkey with a red rosette voting’. Salford voter turnout is appalling; it was something like 35% at the last election. She just keeps getting elected by the ‘my father voted Labour, so I vote Labour’ crowd. Strange as it may seem, I honestly think the voter apathy is so bad in Hazel’s seat that a targeted Conservative campaign could soak up some of the LD vote, and take the seat. Crazy idea perhaps, but I think with the right approach it could work.